_sammy

3:03pm: Blogspot seems better.

I can actually upload my pictures there.
So screw you LJ. You treated me well for some time, but it's time to move on haha.

2:57pm: I miss spring semester and all my friends. I hate growing up.

12:03pm: Happy Birthday to me and yayy!
Too bad I have to study but whatever, I love my boyfriend for buying me my amazing Tiffany's necklace!<3
And my amazing friends who make life so much more fun.

Vegas in T minus 1 month :D

10:46pm: I'm so glad I found better friends♥

8:56pm: I'm supposed to be studying but I am taking a break for now and writing in this every so often.

I'm in the library with my big and just so exhausted from the weekend.
Wednesday night, I went out for Corey's birthday. Had a few drinks, that was bad haha. I had a lot of fun though, going out without Robbie is nice sometimes, it's not always a bad thing. I came home kinda drunkie to him so it was switching roles lol. His sister was up too so he got to hang out with them so it was good.
Thursday night me and Robbie went to Friday's and had happy hour :] That was exciting and fun! We were supposed to go out again to bars with one of the girls I work with, Cristina, but we were way too exhausted by the time midnight came.
Friday night was my FORMAL! It was so much fun!! I looked HAWT! :D I loved my dress and Michele poofed my hair so it was cute and yaaaaaaay. My brother went, Kyle went, it was just fun. We died at the end because we were so tired but whatever haha. My brother and Colleen are now a "thing." It's cute. We went to bars afterwards and then me and Robbie went home at like 1:30am and he passed out. No playtime for us haha.
I didn't go to class Saturday which I hate myself for :( but it was nice to lay with him all morning and be with out baby.
We went to get Rita's with Colleen and my brother and then we headed down to AC! Had dinner with Jose :] Gambled, freaking 11. Stupid roulette and not walking fast enough to put money down on 11! We're dumb and lost but whatever we had fun. Robbie learned Badbeat and had fun losing money, he was drunkie. We all went home and got back to NB around 11:30 and went to bars again. I bought some hot Steve Madden shoes! But they killed my feet last night ugh.

I don't know it's been a great weekend. Me and Robbie are wonderful, I would like to figure some things out but I think when I quit Friday's things will be better. I love him so much and we're so perfect with each other and it works out so well. Our baby is so cute! She got a new harness today and some new toys, spoiled I tell you.

But I need to do work so byeee!!!

7:47pm: I'm amazed every time I look at my foot and there's a tattoo.
It's hott yo.
My parents will never find out hahaha.

10:35am: fifa is love.
I love my MacBook!
^ that's old, but it's still VERY true :]
It's the best $1600 I ever spent on something haha. Well I guess that's not so true because spring break was freaking AMAZINGGGG!

My life has been pretty much awesome.
Spring break was great and I want to go back to Vegas so bad. I think me and Robbie are going to go back and have a mini vacation together. We are doing pretty much freaking awesome. I think he realized after I started dating Jeff for a little that he didn't want to lose me and after dating someone else I wanted to be with Robbie because I love him, sooooo much.
Jeff is a crazy old person who is clingy and kind of reminds me of someone else, never again dating someone that much older then me, but then again I don't have to because me and Robbie will be together for.. a while♥

We got a puppy together♥!
Her name is Fifa [like the soccer game; 7 Stone is obsessed with it, I thought it was perfect]. She's a Jug = jack russell and a pug! She is absolutely adorable! I love her so much. I took her to work yesterday so Dr. T could check her out, she's sick; of course. She's got problems but we've been giving her her meds so hopefully she'll get better. I can't believe we got a puppy together, everyone loves her too. Jesse said she was ugly but now he loves her too and she's so playful and fun.
My puppy! Our puppy :D
And I love working at the vet because it is cheaper for me, it cost $100 when it should have been $300. $75 of it will be paid by that SUCKY puppy barn! I know they're sick but I feel bad that they're sick so I'm glad I saved her!@#

What else?
School is ahhh. Stressful. I'm in class now, mwuahahaha.
I can't wait to move out of my house and into one with Michele and Tara, it's such a cute house. UGH. My house now sucks ass, people are so gross and dirty. I'm never there anyways.
I never really am around for DG so I feel bad but it's the seniorness. Oh well, I enjoyed it very much.
Money, I have none after Vegas; oh yeah btw- I GOT A TATTOO!!!! :D How weird right? hahaha. I'm not in debt but I just need to pay my bills that's all. I want to quit Friday's but I can't yet because I need the money/want the money.
Robbie and I are perfecto. LOVE. He says it and means it, and so do I. We've talked about the future and joked and I don't know but it's perfect now and I can't believe how things have turned out. We're amazing, he's amazing♥

Ok, class is almost over so I'm done.
I update when I feel like it haha. I write to myself anyways - no one reads it.





kph

10:07pm: My life is so confusing and I don't know what to do.
I think I'm over it but I don't want something new.
I just would like some company.
I miss what it used to be and it'll never be that way again.
It's too late.

3.5 this semester.
I'm going for it.

6:58pm: All's fair in love and war.

12:22am: My arm hurts so bad I think I might cry.
I don't know what's wrong with it but the pain is starting to kill me.
I think I need to go to the doctors and see what's wrong.
Advil didn't do much for me.
Make it go away.

Owwie :(

3:07pm: Make it stop.

4:55pm: I feel like this is the only thing that keeps me sane.
I have this sick feeling in my stomach and I'm not sure if it's from the Caramel latte or just that empty feeling you get when things are awkward. I have had a blast this weekend going out to bars and just hanging out with friends and for the past few nights he's come over and slept over and in the morning things go bad. Last night I could have strangled him to death because he was so drunk and just annoying me and sometimes I don't know why I even bother with him. He's such a cheap bastard it's ridiculous. I waste my money on him all the time and I think from now on I'm done. He's got excuses coming out of his ass about getting a job and I can guarentee he won't find one by the of the year or next year if that. I'm just so annoyed today and it's cold and I have to go to chapter at 6 and I'm just too damn lazy to go over there. Sometimes I wish he could get a taste of his own medicine, really.

I have so much work to do and studying and it's just blah. I need to get out of here. I'm not excited for Christmas at all, my family doesn't really do gifts anymore and his preent just isn't worth giving him anymore. I don't feel like he deserves it and I know whatever he is getting me isn't even something that meaningful just some cheap thing so he doesn't have to spend money and why should I waste mine on him? I won't.

My arm is starting to hurt so I am going to go do more work and try to brighten up my day.


Where's the have a little faith going to?♥



kph

1:46pm: Do it.
Just hold on, right?
I need to work on things and it's really hard. I'm trying my hardest to keep my distance and give him space but as much as I try, I know when I say is there hope? He's really thinking no I don't want to be with you anymore and that sucks. Everyone keeps telling me if that's what he wants then you have to accept it and I'm trying hard, but I don't want it to be that way. I want to fix things and be happy and not fight and not bicker over things.
I want to stop being jealous and getting mad over the stupidest things. What is my problem seriously? When Colleen asked me well why didn't he just say he wanted to hang out with his friends, we never got the chance to be apart, it was just an assumption that we would hang out and it ruined a lot.
I woke up the other morning and it like hit me, get over it, stop calling, stop being so dumb and yet at the same time I'm like why are you even trying? Is he even worth it? Yeah, he is.. he can be a jerk but at the same time I'm such a bitch and I don't know why. I'm so spoiled and I need to stop that. He's been my favorite person to talk to and get along with and he's not like Matt, he's so much better and I have so much fun with him yet at the same time he says it's not good enough for me.. it is though.

I'm horrible at I'm sorry even though I know it's my fault I never know how to out right say I'm sorry. I'm trying my hardest to fix things and I feel like it's a dead end. I don't want to think negatively that no we won't fix it and be ok, but I don't want to be that together not together. I want to be together and not be such an ass. I'm gonna suck it up and just space.. it'll be good. Maybe he'll miss me like I miss him at those moments. I don't know. There's other fish in the sea, but I really don't want any of them.

Have a little faith right?


♥




kph&sew

2:20pm: Ugh.
Remember what's important?
Have a little faith♥

2:30am: long time no see!
My tummy hurts and it won't go away.
Yay for Thanksgiving, I love food but now my stomach is killing me and I don't know why! I haven't eaten for a few hours and rested but bleh.
I never write in this anymore but I figured I would since I have some time before I go sit in the cold and wait for the Black Friday madness to begin. It's going to be crazy. No one is answering my phone calls so I think they all fell asleep, I don't know so I'm going alone, oh well. I'm hoping I can get what I want! I'll be really sad because I think it'll be a really good present.

As for my life..
I have a new little who isn't so new anymore because she's initiated :] I love her, we're awesome together and I wish my other little wasn't so busy so we could all hang out and do something together. I never see Colleen anymore it stinks, I want to see her more! We're going to Vegas together in March so I am SO excited! There will be 7 of us from my sorority going and staying in a nice suite, king size bed and 2 queen, livingroom, kitchen area. YAY! Going to be a blast! I can not wait.
My love life?
I don't really know at the moment. On the rocks and I hate it. I am so retarded, I need to like get my life in order and stop being such a brat about things. He is so amazing to me and sometimes I just need to realize that and not be so picky about things because it doesn't matter that much. We're good together, I just need to think before I act I guess you can say.
We'll see what happens <3

Ugh my tummy is killing me. I can't take it.
Classes are going really well, next semester will be a little more challenging but it's ok, I got my co-op for next semester! It's my job now but instead of being a receptionist I'll be a vet technician and be working with the animals and stuff, so excited! I'm a little nervous but I can learn a lot from it and my boss is awesome! He is so funny I love it. I also work at TGIFRiDAYS! Woo! I'm a hostess which is easy, I can't do that whole waitress thing-not for me. But hostessing is easyyyy! I love the people I work with, the girls are pretty cool, one I would love to kill but whatever haha. The guys always make me laugh, it's awesome. I need to save some money, I'm working on it haha.

But it's time to go shopping. I'll try to write in this more, for myself anyways.
I know no one uses these anymore but it's nice to get some steam off or let it out to the world. Even if no one is listening.

I hope we'll see works in my favor♥
You mean so much.




kph&sew

12:12am: What if?

1:03am: New little♥
Yay.

5:50pm: tummy achesss
So the freakishly bad thoughts, I have finally come to the conclusion as to what it is. I think it's my birth control because it's pretty much the only thing that messes with your hormones and that is pretty much the only thing I can think of. I am so crazy I don't even know what's wrong with me lately and it's killing me. I get so upset over EVERYTHING, yet when I should be upset, like at funerals, I don't feel anything at all. It's driving me nuts. I fight with Robbie CONSTANTLY about absolutely nothing and I hate it because I know I hurt his feelings and I never mean to, it just comes out of no where and then later I'm like WTF am I doing?

Like at his last thing and I shoved that girl and flipped out on her for flirting with him, that's not me!!!!! I know I get mad but I usually let it slide and it's like what the hell am I doing? Then last night I was bawling my eyes out and I can't really understand why and the thoughts that were going through my head when we were fighting are just not me. I don't punch things and think like that. I just need my hormones to be right!

I have an appointment for tomorrow so we'll see how that goes and I hope it's ok, I need to be better, NO STRESS!

Although school is going well, I got a C on one test which made me mad because it's supposed to be such an easy class and I got a freaking C. I got a B+ on my Abnormal which I only studied like 20 minutes for and a B on my Social Psych one, which I want to do better next time. I need to go though, time for dinner at Rutgers Club and then studying all night!!! Fright Fest tomorrow I'm so excited!!!! :D




kph&sew

2:05am: what a thought
Nothing will ever be the same and sometimes it's hard to believe that it actually happens. You never think you're going to be that person they always talk about and then one day you grow up and you are. And you never expect it. I don't think I've ever really felt like this before and I'm not sure how to react to it. I think about stuff so much lately and I can't believe how much stuff has changed and how at times I could care less and never look back and then there are those times that I can't believe what's happened and I can't help but want to cry.. then I think why, because it's not like it matters anyways. I hate that it gets to me, HATE it. I would love to just move on with my life and not think about it again, but I can't yet. Eventually I will and I hope that it's soon. Whatever happened, happened. Whatever will happen, will and there isn't much you can do to stop it.

I hate how relationships turn out sometimes. All of them. Not just one kind, but every single one you have with a person. People are so selfish and they think they do no wrong and they are always right and I'm not saying I don't do that because I do, but it bugs me when people can't admit to it. I always kept my mouth shut and held my tongue and I'm so glad I no longer have to be that way anymore. I wish I wasn't as jealous because it destroys the one that I'm in and it kills me because I know this, yet can't stop myself from thinking it and being it. It sucks to have your heart broken once and be "scarred" from it because it makes everything harder from then on and I wish it didn't.

We walk away and sometimes never look back, I wanna look back and it not be a bad ending. But I can't believe it is.

My hearts broken and it's not only boys, and it's not even like I'm broken up.




kph&sew

9:49pm: Fake.
So fake.

12:02am: Annoying.

12:20pm: Naked man running through my house.
Oh what a night hahahahahaha.

10:53am: 2 weeks!
Ah.
School is over for the summer and I couldn't be happier. I hated summer classes but I can't wait until the real semester starts. We finally figured out what we wanted to do with our livingroom and we're gonna get that started so YAY! I'm so excited. The cable works, FINALLY. I need to get the cable cord to my room. Tomorrow is the Soriee! I can't wait, partaaaay at 157! :D It's awesome. I love that house. I can't wait for next year either with me, Tara, and Michele, that's gonna be so much fun. This semester is gonna be crazzzzzzzy. Tara's 21st is on the 20th, fun weekend that's gonna be!

I went and saw the Sisterhood movie and it was good. Makes me wanna shoot myself sometimes and then I remember it doesn't matter any more. I'm typing and realize that my laptop is so dirty it's grossing me out haha. Um.. yeah. I want to see so many movies I just don't feel like spending money on itttttt.

Robbie and I are amazinggg. We had some rough spots and people can suck it and get a life. We spent the weekend together and it was awesome. I love him. I can't wait for school to start so I can stop sleeping alone!!!!! It's lonely. He took me to dinner yesterday and it was cute. We went to Barnes and Nobles and looked around, went back to his house and slept<3 I can't wait till he's 21, I think lol.

Atlantic City last weekend!!!! It was the shittttt. The boat was so funny. It's too hard to explain in words. Never actually made it to AC on the boat but whatever it was the funniest thing ever. I got to walk in the middle of the ocean at 10pm at night. How amazing? lol. We got there and was too exhausted to go to clubs and didn't feel like getting a cab. We gambled lots, I won $160! YAY FOR ME! :D Passed out at like 4:30am haha. Woke up at 9 and went down and gambled a little. BREAKFAST BUFFET! Love it! I love breakfast food.

Not sure what else there is?
Life is good.
Robbie is amazing.
School is over.
Love it<3





kph

11:17pm: Do what feels right.

I love Dove chocolate sayings.

5:58pm: I'm too stubborn for my own good some times.
He makes me happy.
I should be happy, & I'm with him so it's amazing♥

I miss people too.
My car is stupid.
But that's pretty much it.